Inside Where We Live (Arabella)

I really have nothing pressing to talk about. It's my turn to write... well, I haven't written in a long time but we don't really have turns. Mostly We write when we feel like it. I could spend some time introducing myself though.

I'm going to be honest though, introducing myself seems risky. I'm one of the protectors for this system an I worry that being as open as my sisters have started to be is a security breach. Kaysie is our main protector, however, and she feels that being this transparent and open is actually safer in the long run. I suppose she's right.

So hello. My name is Arabella.  I am about 17. Inside I am usually in white tiger form. My main role inside is protection of the little ones. The number of sisters under the age of 13 is nearly twice that (if not more) than those over 13 so that in itself is a full time job. I spend most of my time inside with the children, but I do enjoy my time in the outside world. I especially enjoy technology, our new family, and yarn. I very much enjoy yarn. I guess that might be the feline side of me.

Until recently I haven't been spending any real time outside. The outside world can be challenging for me and its harder for me to be sure the children inside are safe if I'm hanging out around here. Mom helps out with that a lot. 

I have experienced some of the body's trauma, but nothing significant. My job has always been to bring the sister who experienced the trauma inside and nurture and comfort her. There's a serious lack of trauma here, so I'm having to find new ways to keep myself busy and still feel useful. This project we are working on to be more open and fight stigma is helping a lot with that.

So that's me, pretty much in a nutshell. I'm around and always willing to say hi.  

Bella

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Image credit: http://www.colorlines.com/content/what-you-need-know-about-childhood-sexual-abuse

The statistics in the image are heartbreaking and shock a lot of people. Childhood sexual abuse doesn't shock me. It doesn't stun me, and it doesn't surprise me. I never wonder how it could possibly happen. I never have wondered. I never will wonder.

As early as any of us can remember, this body was used sexually. We have hints of memories prior to the age of 3 years old. We have definite memories as early as 4 years old. It started so early and went on for so long that we grew up believing it was normal. Our abuser was in the home daily. Outside of the home he was a devout church member. He sang in the choir and was a deacon in the church. Friends love him, other kids thought we had the coolest step dad ever. He always seemed to be wonderful. He fixed bikes, went camping, took us on vacations, and videotaped all typical childhood events. To the outside we had the perfect family.

He never paid for what he did. The mother worked hard to defend him. The police said there simply wasn't enough evidence. Our case never made it into a statistic. The above statistic doesn't include us. If it doesn't include us, how many more cases like ours are not included? What are the actual numbers? How many children are being broke, split, and shattered because of not reporting? How many are being taught that help isn't coming because of not being believed?

Its time to pay closer attention to the world around us. You can make a difference to one child if you can save that one child. Had any family member really paid attention, we could have been saved too. Its not their fault, they didn't know. I just believe that a little more diligence, attention, and time can make a huge difference to a child. We don't have to save all children, but we can all save one. We removed our children from a situation that was abusive in other ways. They are now supported, healthy, and growing. We are here with them, yet we are not raising them. We have no ability to raise children. We are still small children ourselves.


Alayna

I just now finally found this blog again. Not one of us could remember what the name was. I'm glad we found it because we badly want to write and we couldn't figure out where to write.

Figuring out what to write isn't hard. It's a pain using the phone to write but right now it's what I've got available.  We are currently visiting Mama's parents 5 hours away from where we live and it's been a great visit. Hung out with the aunt, the treasures played with their cousins and Mama and Mia went for a drive. It ended with Mama getting angry at us but to be honest most things do lately. We are far from good enough.  I'm ready to go home now. I miss our Dad, Lulu, Sophie, and our bed.

One good thing that came from Mama being mad was that it gave us motivation to ask Mama for some self help materials. She said yes and they've been ordered and will hopefully be at the house on Monday.  We looked up support groups in Denver but couldn't find any geared to DID. We did find a hospital with an outpatient program if it gets that bad. I don't see it getting that bad but it's an option and it's good to know.

This weekend has been a bit tough as far as external social interactions go. We had a heated discussion with our bio mother over text message and then our neighbor got mad at Mama and he's behaving exactly like our bio mother does. The trigger there sucks.

I have a massive headache. I want to write more and write about Mia's awakening but autocorrect is pissing me off and my head hurts so bad I can't put my thoughts in order.  ~Jennaleigh